How To Be A Christian Without Being A Jerk

Faith in real life

Category Archives: commentary

what does genuine love look like?

November 4th, 2009

Let genuine love rule.

Romans 12:9-10 (NLT)  
    Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.

If I am following the model of Jesus, I am not going to put on a false act when I am with you and have another attitude behind your back.

If someone is a challenge, it gives you a chance to expand your “love character.” You stretch your potency when you desire to bless someone who doesn't necessarily wish to bless you back. When I am being transformed I love you like Jesus loves you. I desire you to be blessed and I act. I honor you, meaning I put real value on your well being.

Genuine love builds up rather than tears down. This means I try to catch you at your best. I do not make any attempts to put you on the defensive where you are less likely to respond graciously. There is a phrase used that sums this up.

“Anxiety producing behavior.”

This occurs when I try to make people anxious on purpose to somehow advance my own agenda or gain more attention on my “rightness.”  I may exaggerate the negative. The boy who cried, “Wolf,” and Chicken Little, “The sky is falling, the sky is falling,” are classic cases of this. Genuine love takes the time to know what is necessary to put people at ease, even when dealing with conflict and disagreement. 

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Halloween is over…get rid of the mask…

November 3rd, 2009

The second means I would like to highlight to transform social life is to lose the mask. We present ourselves as authentically as possible.

Attack and withdrawal result in our setting up huge walls against being vulnerable. We are likely to put on “masks” to hide who we truly in an attempt them.

We wear masks in order to look better and achieve recognition and reward for being someone we are not. Especially tempting in a church community. One mask for our Christian friends and one mask for day-to-day life.

A third mask is to be influenced by Jesus, but hiding our love for him so we don't appear too sold out to our friends. This seems strange, but Christians may show signs of real growth in faith, but try to look like someone else at work or at school.

All masks must go. This doesn’t mean that our lives become therapy sessions. It's not about “brutal honesty” and such. Not about baring the effects of my childhood to the guy sitting next to me at McDonald's. This does mean we need to be real with people around us. Our public and private lives begin to match. We give up using deceit, manipulation and defensiveness in our relationships. Our identity comes from God and he makes it possible for us to face the world unmasked as our best, true selves.

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what do ponies and new “clothes” have in common?

November 2nd, 2009

Being transformed in our own lives, our families are influenced. As our families are transform, we influence the community around us. We see times in Christian history when transformation becomes so powerful that whole communities change.

Consider the Welsh Revival. In 1904 there was an intentional spiritual reawakening that swept through Wales.  The country itself was changed. Taverns are emptied. Days when the courtrooms are empty. Even animals are affected.

The small ponies the miners used to move their coal cars underground become confused. They are so used to the curses of their masters, that when miners stop swearing, the ponies don’t understand the commands and don’t know how to follow!

The ideal in our circle of sufficiency is we join God in Trinitarian love and through our relationship with him, we in turn love others in our circle. They join God as well and love us back. Lives are enriched as a result. Together, we share the love outside the circle and we impact the wider community.

We are not so naive to expect everyone will give love after receiving it. This includes those in our circle of influence, as well as out. Yet, we are energized to love as Christ loves knowing that whether it is returned or not it expands us. To be in God’s will is a blessed place.

The first means I use to transform my social life is to “put on Christ.” My Heavenly Father gives me my identity through Jesus.

Perhaps you are familiar with identity theft. This is where someone steals your credit card numbers and/or social security number and begins to make purchases under your name. Sometimes making large transactions as if they were you! There are safeguards to prevent this crime; to protect my identity.

Yet, in the big picture, my true identity is that I am the beloved son of the Father. I am secure. This makes it possible to live a life of self-denial and service toward others. This makes it possible to forgive others and  bless rather than curse. This is a new life.

    Col. 3:10 (NLT)  
    In its place you have clothed yourselves with a brand-new nature that is continually being renewed as you learn more and more about Christ, who created this new nature within you.

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You complete me, Nancy…

October 29th, 2009

The central place for social transformation to have its impact is in families. This is the fertile foundation for all other relationships both for good and evil. Family can be the most common place for attack and withdrawal, but it can also be a place where we learn mutual submission for the sake of the other. Where we can actually become Christlike in a way that is matchless. Renovation of the heart is a long view process that begins and continues with those closest to us.

Marriage is the place where we are designed to be at our most intimate and our most vulnerable. Husbands and wives are literally created to complement (making complete) each other, not just compliment each other. God has designed male and female to be complementary in in the essence of who we are. This is why I have followed the biblical model of marriage from day one with our children. I encourage them to know that some day they will join someone of the opposite sex in holy matrimony and their lives will be enhanced for all their days on earth. I know you may want to gag, but this is so right on…

 

Genesis 2:18 (NLT)
And the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him.”

The word for “companion” is often translated “helper” in other versions of the Bible. Neither of these words does complete justice to the meaning of the original language. The Hebrew word being translated means literally, “one who is over and against,” “one who sees things from a different perspective.” Husbands and wives are created to see things differently!  Marriage becomes a place where giving of ourselves for the sake of the other is best practiced by God’s design. And in marriage, husband and wife are constantly tested.

When they have children, parents then become the model for renovation, or attack and withdrawal. The very best and the very worst models of what it means to live in community start right here. You can’t be transformed in your relationships outside of your family without the foundation within.

Here is the challenge. A family is made up of individuals who are naturally moving toward self-worship. Society caters to this narcissistic focus of “what’s in it for me.” When relationships are fractured in the family, so much is at stake. Alienation and contempt may become common place. Divorce may seem the only way out for marriages. Parents and children may look upon each other as enemies. There is another way.

You can invite the community of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit to join with you. You can begin to live in God’s ways and declare a “no attack and no withdraw” zone as it relates to you. No matter what your family relationships are, you can be the new generation who will birth a new community of love in years to come. The means to do this come next.

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How To Be A Christian Without Being A Jerk

Faith in real life