How To Be A Christian Without Being A Jerk

Faith in real life

Spiritual maturity? The dead end of judgmentalism

May 1st, 2009

Understanding personality types and how God wires us, prevents us from making errors in judgment in spiritual matters, as well as in personal judgments. Here is how it works.

Example one. If someone is wired as a “Sensate,” where they carefully make decisions in a specific and detailed analysis of the facts and possibilities, they will have a hard time just “going for it” if God is calling them to change. This would be easy for a person wired as an “Intuitive.” They are always read to go with their “gut;” ready to try a new thing. So, here is what can happen.

“Intuitives” can quickly think that “Sensates” aren’t as “spiritual” because they don’t immediately grasp on to God doing a new thing. If “Intuitives” will just be specific and clear about what this “new thing” means, many “Sensates” who examine this vision will embrace the change, as well.

Example two. When “Thinking Judgment” people (“Thinkers”) work from their strength of logic and reasonability, and not their emotions or what other people will think, they are many times labeled, “uncaring” or “un-Christian.” Especially if they are being asked to respond to a situation where courage and consideration are called for; not co-dependency. “Thinkers” are always vulnerable when people are attempting to bring drama into their lives. If “Feelers” realize their vulnerability of acting from emotion rather than wisdom, they will have the opportunity to influence “Thinkers” if true compassion is in order.

Actually, to be too vocal or too judgmental about someone else’s spiritual maturity is a very good sign that one may be lacking spiritual maturity.

How Do I Become Less Judgmental? The Personality Key Part 2

April 29th, 2009

According to personality type teaching, we are stronger in each of the opposing areas than we are in the other. We may show both and have a hard time figuring out each one, but it is more like handedness. I am left handed, but I can also do things with my right, though not as well. If we look at all 8 attributes, we realize the individual person falls into one of 16 categories. These are usually denoted using the first letter of each. For example, my type is ENTP (So, that’s his problem…)

Here is where the judgmentalism can creep in. If I am a certain personality type and this is how I am wired, then I am tempted to make my type in all the areas the correct one. It may be as simple as a subtle description change. See if you have ever said any of these about someone else.

Extroversion vs. Introversion/ Chatterbox vs. Shy

Sensing Perception vs. Intuitive Perception/ Stick-in-the-mud vs. Risky

Thinking Judgment vs. Feeling Judgment/ Cold vs. Bleeding-hearted

Judging vs. Perceiving/ Anal vs. Flaky

Do you see what can happen? There are no good or bad personality types. They are just different. Yet, when we start labeling people who are different than us in a negative way, we see how this can become judgmental. We might even be judgmental towards people of the same personality type because we see things we don’t like in ourselves.

It is helpful just recognizing that traits you consider negative in someone else may simply be different personality types. There is much more involved in Meyers-Briggs analysis, but if you would like to begin considering your personal type, you can take this inventory online for free.

So it is easy to be critical and judging of people just because they are wired differently than you. It might have nothing to do with character, effectiveness, or, most interesting for people of faith,  spiritual maturity.ᅠ

How Do I Become Less Judgmental? The Personality Key- Part One

April 28th, 2009

There are two keys to being less judgmental. The personality key and the spiritual key. Both impact the way we think about others. Let’s start with personality.

In the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator (the leading personality tool based on Carl Jung’s work on psychological types) there are four scales that rate a person’s preferences among sets of mental processes. Here are the four opposite type sets:

Extroversion vs. Introversion

Sensing Perception vs. Intuitive Perception

Thinking Judgment vs. Feeling Judgment

Judging vs. Perceiving

Here are some quick, broad generalizations of each.

Extroverts are outgoing and energized by being around people.

Introverts are reserved and energized by working alone.

Sensing Perception people are focused on facts and practicality. They are into details and are initially skeptical of the new and unknown.

Intuitive Perception people are focused on the future and “what could be?” They are looking for the big picture. They are energized and embracing of the new and unknown.

Thinking Judgment people base their decisions on logic and facts, using objective analysis.

Feeling Judgment people base their decisions on how it will affect other people and will it maintain warmth in relationships.

Judging people are organized and try to maintain control. They do extensive planning and are highly goal oriented.

Perceiving people are spontaneous, open, curious, and highly adaptable.

What does all of this have to do with being judgmental? Tomorrow…

evangelism without manipulation…what a concept!

April 25th, 2009

I have been posting on the “person of peace” principle of evangelism I learned from Mike Breen, similar to my principle of “receptive person.” We learned, just as you did, or will, this principle from Jesus in Luke 10. More from Mike.

Here is how it works:

  1. Be on the lookout for someone who is ready to receive.
  2. If they aren’t ready, don’t belabor the point. Move on.
  3. No amount of cleverness or coercion can make someone receptive.
  4. It is the Holy Spirit’s job to prepare the heart to receive the Gospel.
  5. Our job is to look for people of peace.
  6. God has already been preparing them because they are receptive at that specific time.

Be present where there are people who may be receptive to connecting to you. Be on the lookout for a person of peace.

how do I find people who actually want to listen to me?

April 22nd, 2009

How do I share my faith with someone who isn’t a Christian? Won’t they get offended? Isn’t that being pushy? Not if you actually do what Jesus teaches. It is totally natural and gracious. The key concept Jesus teaches is to be a bridge for people to know him, called, “person of  peace.”  What we call  “evangelism,” “sharing the faith,” or “outreach,” should not cause us to  break out in a cold sweat.

Mike Breen summarizes this teaching of Jesus this way:

A person of peace is someone who is prepared to hear the message of the kingdom and the King.

A person of peace is:

  • someone who is prepared to hear the message of Jesus.
  • someone who is ready to receive because God has been preparing him/her.

O.K. now, again, how will I recognize a person of  peace?

People of Peace will:

  • welcome you
  • listen to you
  • support you

In other words…Look for people who want to listen to you, like a good friend.

Do you get nervous talking with a friend? Do you have to “walk on eggshells” over every word you say? Of course not, and that is why God brings people of peace into our lives to be introduced to him and his blessing. God brings us a new friend.

the secret to evangelism in 3 words

April 21st, 2009

Whenever I hear people talk about Christians “trying to shove their religion down my throat,” I ask for specifics. What exactly happened and when? In most cases, they are referring to what someone else said happened to them.

If you are under 30, it is not likely you had a Christian trying to share the gospel with you at all. There is research that suggests by age 26, only 12% of young adults who were actively involved in their faith life at age 16 have any connection to an Christian community ten years later. Not every one of them is trying to share their faith. So, more and more, except for individual anecdotal evidence, the idea that “Christians are shoving their religion…” and such, is nonsense.

That doesn’t matter. As the common phrase goes, “Perception is reality.” What is the remedy for all of this? Jesus set it up as his method for evangelism and we might want to join him.

“Whenever you enter someone’s home, first say, ‘May God’s peace be on this house.’ If those who live there are peaceful, the blessing will stand; if they are not, the blessing will return to you…”
-Luke 10: 5-6

That’s the secret to evangelism. A three-word summary.

Person of Peace

PoP

I have really focused on this term after spending time with Mike Breen of 3Dministries.com. In HTBACWBAJ, I use the term, “Those who are receptive.” Here is one of my branding phrases.

Share the compassion of Jesus with everyone. Share the gospel of Jesus with those who are receptive.

Since being introduced to the language, “person of peace,” I like to interchange the terms.

Tomorrow I will say more on the PoP.

why do I blog “how to be a christian without being a jerk?”

April 20th, 2009

Being the time after Easter, it is helpful to review the basics. The story of Jesus as recorded in the Bible and my response to him, make it appropriate for me to share the reality of Jesus with others in a variety of ways, including the very act of writing this blog.

To identify with Jesus and trust in him as ruler of my life, opens me to receive the Holy Spirit. The Spirit makes it possible for me to expand God’s kingship/ God’s rule in the world. At the core of God’s desires is that all people make this same connection. Life with Jesus is real life as God designs.

I don’t want anything to get in the way of everyone having the same privilege of discovering Jesus. God makes it happen if you just give him a crack of attention. One of the greatest challenges today is simple. Most people don’t know that much about Jesus and what they do know comes from weak sources. They haven’t learned from people who are living a Holy Spirit-empowered lives, and they haven’t heard the story of Jesus in clarity.

There is confusion about the Christian faith because of the depth and riches of life with Jesus. This is a natural by-product of deep thinking. However, there is confusion also because clear thinking is not being offered and/or received. The primary purpose of my DVD series, How To Be A Christian Without Being A Jerk! is to clear away the unnecessary confusion concerning the Christian faith, and to encourage the deep thinking that expands one’s understanding. This blog exists for the same purpose.

Tomorrow I will begin a brief overview of sharing the Gospel.

the great blog experiment- no comment

April 17th, 2009

I am in the “31 days to a better blog challenge” from here. This means I will be experimenting quite a bit.

For example:

  1. the comments function is turned off. Thank you for those who do. It is fun and helpful. However, I am following blog advice from one of the  top gurus, Seth Godin, and waiting until there are at least 200+ consistent visits to the site before I turn it back on again. Too many days there are no comments and you can figure out the rest…
  2. along the same line, I will temporarily stop sending out e-mail blogs starting Monday, unless the people on my list absolutely requested it. Let me pause and say welcome to my e mail folks who have chosen to read the blog directly instead.

Talk to you Monday!

7 reasons why Easter is a tough commercial sell

April 7th, 2009

As we approach the Easter holiday, do you ever wonder, “Why is Christmas celebrated in our secular culture so much more than Easter?” Wonder no more. Here is why…

Frank

Frank

7. Snow. It doesn’t snow during Easter. Frosty the Snowman, Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer, Christmas snow globes- all Easter has is rabbits and eggs. ᅠ

6. Rabbits. Rabbits in fiction are kind of wierd. Bugs Bunny doesn’t have any pants on. Don’t get me started about “Frank” from Donnie Darko

5. Daylight. The actual celebration is in the morning. With Christmas Eve, there are the glowing candles- Silent Night, and all the rest. Also, Christmas parties and drinking go together. With Easter, you have sunrise services (can’t start drinking at 6 a.m.) and other services are done before noon. Nothing good for commerce happens before noon. Except Denny’s Grand Slam Breakfast. ᅠ

4. Clothes. Easter outfits, especially for men. In the past, men and boys would wear a new suit. Now, besides so many people not going to church on Easter, period, if they do go, try to get a boy into a suit. For that matter, try to get his dad in a suit. ᅠ

3. Songs. You can name a couple dozen secular Christmas songs (Think: Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer, for instance). Now, other than Here Comes Peter Cottontail and Easter Parade (you might not even know these as I may be dating myself), name a secular Easter song. Rock on… ᅠ

2. Sex. Try connecting Easter and sex. I saw an ad for a male enhancement product in the LA Times (nice revenue source) using Easter, bunnies, a scantily clad woman, and the product. About as bizarre as you can get. ᅠ

1. Body. Even secular people can appreciate a baby in a manger. Corpses coming back to life? Not so cute. ᅠ

Have a blessed Easter, anyway!

(See the first list on this blog!)

why read my blog?

April 6th, 2009

Today is  day #1 in the “31 days to build a better blog” exercise I am doing from the problogger site.

Today is about an elevator pitch for my blog.

Short version:

How to be a Christian without being a jerk!

Long version:

When you hear the word, “evangelism” do you want to run and hide? And you’re a Christian! Why would being connected to the greatest cause in the galaxies, sharing the message of hope and freedom that Jesus brings, be so awkward? There can be only one reason. You haven’t been learning how to be a Christian without being a jerk!

how to be a Christian without being a jerk! is based on a few core principles:

  • Share the compassion of Jesus with everyone; share the message of Jesus with those who are receptive.
  • Spend way more time dealing with what you are for rather than what you are against.
  • Christianity is an astounding view of reality, and the reasonability of the Christian faith is clearly discovered through a careful, straightforward reading of the Bible.

If Jesus is who he says he is, why wouldn’t he want to connect with you?

Link this with your friends!!


How To Be A Christian Without Being A Jerk

Faith in real life