What Will Work to Transform a Life Based on Feelings?

1. Work on feelings that move you away from sin instead of trying not to sin

At the very earliest stages, focus on cultivating revulsion at the feelings you now have that are sinful, even if they don’t bother you. Along with this, focus on being attracted strongly to feelings of good, even if you don’t have those feelings to begin with.

Take anger as an example. I don’t simply try to avoid feeling angry. I begin to look at how unattractive I must appear when I am angry. I focus on the sense of uneasiness I have afterwards, and the uneasiness I see in others. At the same time, I have a vision of what it is like for people to be in my presence, where they are relaxed and comfortable.

2. Remove the underlying condition, not just the feeling

Why do I have the destructive feelings in the first place? What are the conditions that lead up to them? Let’s stay on the anger example.

What conditions lead to the anger? Perhaps it is a sense of privilege. If I think I deserve good things in my life and then they don’t go my way, I am offended by my circumstances. I lash out at whoever is around me. I begin to project my disappointment on anyone whom I perceive as a source of my “injustice.”

It’s time to move myself from the sense of privilege, and realize the whole world isn’t going to end if I don’t get my way.

3. Replacing the underlying condition; the feelings will take care of themselves

It isn’t enough just to remove the underlying condition that fuels the destructive feelings. In the anger example, it isn’t enough to try not to feel like I must always get my own way. I must replace those conditions with healthy alternatives.

One way to start is to set yourself up in situations where you practice deferring to others. For example, letting someone come into your traffic lane is a good place to start. If you live in an urban area especially, you can practice this every day. Of course, the person behind you may then have to start working on anger issues!

What is one destructive feeling you struggle with? What can you do to stop feeling that way?