There are two actions that wreck social relationships more than any other. Attack and withdrawal.

Attack

To verbally and/or physically be aggressive toward someone with the intent of using this as a means to get our own way or to at least punish them.

Withdrawal

To ignore someone; act as if we don’t care at all; moving all the way to holding them in contempt, as if they don’t even exist in our mind at all. Another means to try to control or punish.

 

We use attack and withdrawal so much we think they are are as normal as breathing and we couldn’t think of life without them. Actually, we will not have a transformed life with them.

If we are to live in our circle of life with actions for the good, we need to eliminate attack and withdrawal. If we desire to expand our circle we need to get rid of attack and withdrawal from our own lives. Let’s be clear on what is at stake.

Attack is when we act against the good of other people. We are doing what we can to make sure they don’t prosper for the moment, or longer. Attack may be launched for the right reasons, as in the case of trying to correct unhealthy behavior in someone else, but it is the wrong method. Screaming at your children because they aren’t doing their homework comes to mind.

Attack is certainly addressed by God in the Bible. The ten commandments, from “Honor your father and mother” on, are about our relationships and they all address attack in some way.

 

Withdrawal is working for the same reason, against the good of someone else, but with a different method. We ignore someone, regarding their good as unimportant, even to the point of despising them. We treat them as persona non grata.

Current examples:

Attack- Watch congress on CSPAN for 2 minutes.

Withdrawal- Watch the relationship between teenagers and their parents on just about any TV show or in any movie.

Do you tend to use attack or withdrawal in your relationships?