How To Be A Christian Without Being A Jerk

Faith in real life

the two worst ways to make friends…

October 27th, 2009

There are two actions that wreck social relationships more than any other. Attack and withdrawal.

Attack is to verbally and/or physically be aggressive toward someone with the intent of using this as a means to get our own way or to at least punish them.

Withdrawal is to ignore someone; act as if we don't care at all; moving all the way to holding them in contempt, as if they don't even exist in our mind at all. Another means to try to control or punish.

We use attack and withdrawal so much we think they are are as normal as breathing and we couldn't think of life without them. We will not have a transformed life with them.

If we are to live in our circle of life with actions for the good we need to eliminate attack and withdrawal. If we desire to expand our circle we need to get rid of attack and withdrawal from our own lives. Let's be clear on what is at stake.

Attack is when we act against the good of other people. We are doing what we can to make sure they don't prosper for the moment, or longer. Attack may be launched for the right reasons, as in the case of trying to correct unhealthy behavior in someone else, but it is the wrong method. Screaming at your children because they aren't doing their homework comes to mind.

Attack is certainly addressed by God in the Bible. The ten commandments from "Honor your father and mother" on are about our relationships and they all address attack in some way.

Withdrawal is working for the same reason, against the good of someone else, but with a different method. We ignore someone, regarding their good as unimportant, even to the point of despising them. We treat them as persona non grata.

Current examples:

Attack- Watch congress on CSPAN for 2 minutes.
Withdrawal- Watch the relationship between teenagers and their parents on just about any TV show or in any movie.

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the circle of life?

October 26th, 2009

Unbutu- “A person is a person through other persons.”  
                              -Bishop Desmond Tutu

Unbutu is a Swahili word that draws our attention to the fact that we are dependent on each other. In Renovation of the Heart (Student Edition), the concept of a circle is used to illustrate this.

Who is in your circle? Draw a big circle and place in it the names of the people in your life. This circle tells you something about your social relationships. Are there many people or few? If there are many, who are you in close relationship with? Many psychologists think you can really be in a close, intimate relationship with very few people, perhaps only one other. Do you have any of these “soul mates” in your circle? If there are only a few people in your circle to begin with, is this because you are kind of a private person or do you withdraw from others? There are a lot of things to consider, aren’t there?

When we look at our circle, realize God desires good to come out of it. As we are connected in healthy ways, this will happen. The challenge is, of course, we are all sinners. If you have been following this blog, you realize how broken our circles really are. “Broken” is not even a strong enough word. Our circles are headed toward “ruin.” What is the process for healing? 

In order for our circles to be life giving, we need to be connected to each other in healthy ways. This is no easy connection. If we follow our own human nature, we continue to repel each other in our circles. We are the only occupant who really counts. Self-worship within the circle of our lives brings about two actions that we use to destroy our relationships. I will post on these tomorrow.

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Life’s for Sharing

October 23rd, 2009

The transformation up to this point has been about you and me personally. Heart, mind, and body.

Heart- our will; the choices we make
Mind- thoughts and feelings
Body- our physical presence through which we live out our lives

But…

“It is not good that the man should be alone…” (Genesis 2:18)

Like the T-Mobile commercial says, “Life’s for Sharing.”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQ3d3KigPQM&hl=en&fs=1&]

We are created in community. It is how we are wired. God intends for us to be in relationship with him and other people. The idea that we are to “go it alone,” or “stick to ourselves” is not a biblical concept. The Bible is filled with descriptions of living in community.

We are created to live with other people. Here lies a huge challenge. I am a sinful person and it is absolutely necessary that I am in relationship with others, who are sinful people. It doesn’t take too long for us to realize this is going to be messy.

Adam and Eve start arguing right away. “What did God say?” Then, when they sin by doing what God forbids, Adam blames Eve. When the children are born it doesn’t get any easier. Eventually Cain kills his brother Abel.

And so it goes.

Living with others is absolutely essential for our spiritual, physical, and emotional well being.

Living with others can be absolutely harmful to our spiritual, physical, and emotional well being.

We can’t live in healthy community with each other unless Jesus is on the throne of our lives. My self-worship and your self-worship are always going to result in disconnect at some point.

What’s the answer?

There is another way.  God’s way.

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joining Jesus in caring for your body…

October 22nd, 2009



Do: Properly honor and care for your body

  • My body is from God, and since he sent Jesus to set me free from sin and death, my body is not mine. It is claimed by Jesus and he uses it here and now.

  • Practice the Sabbath. Disciples discover it is a good thing to stop and reflect on what God is doing. Celebrate how good God is. You can do this daily, weekly, and yearly.Take silence and solitude time each day to break from whatever is going on around you. Once a week, spend a day in reflection of God and enjoy him through those around you. For many, Sunday is this time of connecting to God, family, and friends. Once a year spend several days away from the “rat race,” not to cram in as many activities as possible on a vacation, but to just do “nothing.” There is more than sleep to rest. God rested (Genesis 2:2). Jesus rested (Matthew 14:13). We can rest.

  • Dedicate the proper care of your body to Jesus. When you diet, exercise, and get enough sleep, your physical health improves. It is good for your emotional well being. It is good for your soul. When you do these things with Jesus in mind, he can choose to be part of the process. You are inviting him to be a partner. Use VisionIntentionMeans with your dieting, exercise and sleep. This can be very helpful without getting obsessive.

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what does a partnership with God look like?

October 19th, 2009

Romans 12:1 (NLT)  
    And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask?

You have to be absolutely clear why you owe your body life to God. I am afraid that when Paul asks the question, “Is this too much to ask”” most of us are saying, “Yes it is.” Do you really understand that God is in charge of your desires and your pleasures? Then release them to him.

One way you can accomplish this, with the partnership of the Holy Spirit, is to join God in an experiment. What is a body sin that is ruining you? Is it anger, gossip, pornography? Whatever it is, don’t do it for one day.

It will look something like this. Get up in the morning. Realize how good God is and thank him for this. Tell God, “I dedicate this day to you.”  Think specifically what is one body sin you want to get rid of. Give this to Jesus for the day. Make a commitment to him. For example, “Jesus, today I will not gossip.” This means your texting or IM action may be a little boring. It doesn’t matter. You are following old advice. “Unless you have something nice to say about someone, don’t say anything at all.” Quaint, but effective.

When you are tempted to gossip, you will think of Jesus instead. You can’t imagine him going,

“Hey John, did you hear Peter last night? ‘Lord, I will never leave you.’ What a loser. That Peter is so full of himself.”

Think of there being a reporter following you everywhere you go this day. Taping your every word. Now realize this is exactly what is happening. The reporter is Jesus and he is right next to you. Now. Really. One day. Then go to bed.

Wake up and start over.

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How To Be A Christian Without Being A Jerk

Faith in real life