As we experience mind ruin and the emotional ruin that goes along with it, our interaction with other people is never really authentically beneficial. I liken it to a dance where we try to move each other around the dance floor. If both partners are trying to lead at the same time, it doesn’t work.
Social life ruin is seen in the lack of depth of our friendships. It is seen in the struggles of marriage. It is a key source of the dissatisfaction so many have for their jobs. If I am trying to remain in charge of my life, when things don’t go my way I will respond in one of two ways.
Author M. Scott Peck considers these two responses in his classic work, The Road Less Traveled. When I am struggling in life, I place the blame on myself or others in an exaggerated way. When I am always wrong, it is neurosis. When someone else is always wrong it is character disorder. Here is how it works.
For a neurotic person I try to remain in control by putting huge demands of perfection upon myself, coupled with low expectations. In this way when someone fails me, I can always blame it on me. In this way I stay in control because life is happening just like I predicted. Eeyore, from Winnie the Pooh, is an example of this neurotic response.
For a character disorder person, I try to remain in control by placing the blame for anything that goes wrong in my life squarely where it belongs. On you. Or anyone else. On the government. On multi-national corporations. On society in general. On the “man.” Never, in any waking moment, would my problems be owned up to as “my problems.” In character disorder, I am always the victim. After all, if I am the center of my own universe, how can any conflict, failure or disappointment be my doing?
In our relationships, then, we may operate out of character disorder or neurosis, but the results are the same. A life turned from God.
Do you function more with neurosis or character disorder? (Actually, if it is character disorder, you probably disagree with what is being said in the first place!)
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