The healing of our circle of relationships is connection to God. God is a healthy community in God’s self. We know God as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The Trinity is the model of healthy, loving, social relationships.

Within the Trinity, there is no attempt to control or seek one’s own way. Dallas says there is no subordination within the Trinitarian community because “Father, Son and Holy Spirit won’t stand for it.” The Trinity shows us we are created live in community. “Created in God’s image” (Genesis 1:26-27) we are at our best when we join God in this community of love.

We can be free from the positioning and intrigue of making a place for ourselves in our relationships. The legend of King Arthur and his Round Table is a good illustration of this. The story goes Arthur wanted his knights to consider themselves as no better than the other. He as King saw himself in this same light. In order to symbolize this community of deferring to the other, he had a round table built for them so there would never be anyone at the head of the table when they came together.

The key to living transformed lives in community with others is not a mystery. The difficulty is not in the understanding, but in the follow through. If we wish to have a life filled with richness in our relationships, rather than hurt and betrayal, there is only one way to live.

Philip. 2:3-5 (NLT)
“Don’t be selfish; don’t live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. Don’t think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing. Your attitude should be the same that Christ Jesus had.”

As we are transformed by God to become the kind of people God can work through, we take on the mind of Christ. We begin to think as he thinks. Our actions, then, reflect his influence. We live in our circle of relationships as Jesus lives in the circle of the Trinity. We bring Jesus with us to our own Round Table because he is in us and we are in him.
1 John 4:15-16 (NLT)

“All who proclaim that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in him. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.”

How have you viewed the Trinity and how does seeing God living in relationship help?

There are two actions that wreck social relationships more than any other. Attack and withdrawal.

Attack

To verbally and/or physically be aggressive toward someone with the intent of using this as a means to get our own way or to at least punish them.

Withdrawal

To ignore someone; act as if we don’t care at all; moving all the way to holding them in contempt, as if they don’t even exist in our mind at all. Another means to try to control or punish.

We use attack and withdrawal so much we think they are are as normal as breathing and we couldn’t think of life without them. Actually, we will not have a transformed life with them.

If we are to live in our circle of life with actions for the good, we need to eliminate attack and withdrawal. If we desire to expand our circle we need to get rid of attack and withdrawal from our own lives. Let’s be clear on what is at stake.

Attack is when we act against the good of other people. We are doing what we can to make sure they don’t prosper for the moment, or longer. Attack may be launched for the right reasons, as in the case of trying to correct unhealthy behavior in someone else, but it is the wrong method. Screaming at your children because they aren’t doing their homework comes to mind.

Attack is certainly addressed by God in the Bible. The ten commandments, from “Honor your father and mother” on, are about our relationships and they all address attack in some way.

Withdrawal is working for the same reason, against the good of someone else, but with a different method. We ignore someone, regarding their good as unimportant, even to the point of despising them. We treat them as persona non grata.

Current examples:

Attack- Watch congress on CSPAN for 2 minutes.

Withdrawal- Watch the relationship between teenagers and their parents on just about any TV show or in any movie.

Do you tend to use attack or withdrawal in your relationships?

Unbutu- “A person is a person through other persons.”
-Bishop Desmond Tutu

Unbutu is a Swahili word that draws our attention to the fact that we are dependent on each other. In Renovation of the Heart (Student Edition), the concept of a circle is used to illustrate this.

Who is in your circle? Draw a big circle and place in it the names of the people in your life. This circle tells you something about your social relationships. Are there many people or few? If there are many, who are you in close relationship with? Many psychologists think you can really be in a close, intimate relationship with very few people, perhaps only one other. Do you have any of these “soul mates” in your circle? If there are only a few people in your circle to begin with, is this because you are kind of a private person, or do you withdraw from others? There are a lot of things to consider, aren’t there?

When we look at our circle, realize God desires good to come out of it. As we are connected in healthy ways, this will happen. The challenge is, of course, we are all sinners. So far in this book, we have seen how broken we really are. “Broken” is not even a strong enough word. Our circles are headed toward “ruin.” What is the process for healing?

In order for our circles to be life giving, we need to be connected to each other in healthy ways. This is no easy connection. If we follow our own human nature, we continue to repel each other in our circles. We are the only occupant who really counts. Self-worship within the circle of our lives brings about two actions that we use to destroy our relationships. Attack and withdrawal.

Start praying for people in your circle.

The transformation up to this point has been about you and me, personally. Heart, mind, and body.

Heart- our will; the choices we make
Mind- thoughts and feelings
Body- our physical presence through which we live out our lives

But…

“It is not good that the man should be alone…” (Genesis 2:18)

Like the T-Mobile commercial says, “Life’s for Sharing.”

We are created in community. It is how we are wired. God intends for us to be in relationship with him and other people. The idea that we are to “go it alone,” or “stick to ourselves” is not a biblical concept. The Bible is filled with descriptions of living in community.

We are created to live with other people. Here lies a huge challenge. I am a sinful person and it is absolutely necessary that I am in relationship with others, who are sinful people. It doesn’t take too long for us to realize this is going to be messy.

Adam and Eve start arguing right away. “What did God say?” Then, when they sin by doing what God forbids, Adam blames Eve. When the children are born it doesn’t get any easier. Eventually Cain kills his brother Abel.

And so it goes.

Living with others is absolutely essential for our spiritual, physical, and emotional well being.

Living with others can be absolutely harmful to our spiritual, physical, and emotional well being.

We can’t live in healthy community with each other unless Jesus is on the throne of our lives. Without Jesus,my self-worship and your self-worship are always going to result in disconnect at some point.

What’s the answer? There is another way. God’s way.

Dream of what your friendships would be like if you lived with Jesus on the throne.